Sunday, 2 September 2012

I should have kissed you.

‘I should have kissed you.’
‘I’m sorry did I say that out loud?’
‘Yes.  When should you have kissed me, Dave?
‘Before today. Before all this.’  Dave indicated the decorated church and the guests seated patiently in murmuring rows.
‘Kiss me now Dave.’
‘I can’t. Not like I want to.’
‘Then kiss me like I want you to.’
‘How’s that?’
‘Like a friend wishing me well on my wedding day.’
‘I know you would have kissed me back.’
‘No, Dave. It’s always been Brian.’
As she moved to meet his cheek, he turned his head and met her lips with his own.  Cupping her face he held it close.  All the years of friendship were now something else.  She pulled away from him with her hands pressed to her cheeks. 
‘I knew you’d kiss me back.’  He grinned.
‘All this time and I never knew.  Today of all days, you make me choose.’
‘There’s no choice, Lisa.  You will marry Brian.’
‘What about us?’
‘There was never any us.  It’s always been Brian, as you said.’
Dave turned away.   
‘Don’t leave me Dave.’
At the sound of her voice, he came close again.
‘I am leaving you Lisa.  I leave you and your faithless heart to the man you deserve.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘It hasn’t always been Brian, has it?  I just proved a point.’
‘So you kissed her like that to prove a point?’  Brian entered the vestry.
‘Brian, don’t…’
‘It’s okay Lisa.  What point, Dave?’
‘You are both as fickle as each other.  And you… you…’  Dave punctuated the sentence with his index finger.
‘Ignore him, Lisa. Come on.’  They turned to enter the church.  Dave followed.
‘Hey, Brian, perhaps I should have kissed you!’
‘You slimy bastard.’  Brian turned and leapt. He landed in the aisle with Dave beneath him.
‘You take that back.’   His heavy fist found its mark.
‘Get off me Brian.’   Dave tasted blood in his mouth.
‘Do you yield?’ It was a question that carried their childhood and all their years of friendship with it.  During the pause that followed, Dave searched Brian’s face for truth.   Brian’s gaze remained steady and Dave had his answer.  Brian would be faithful.  Lisa was forgiven.
‘I yield.  Now get off me so we can get on with this wedding.’
The congregation once again in its place, Dave moved to his position at the front of the church speaking through his cut lip.    ‘Dear friends we are gathered here today...’


  1. You could cut the tension with a knife.. oh wow!! I loved the plot.. I enjoyed watching it all unfold in the corner of my mind.. but I wish terribly it would have had a happier ending with Dave getting his happy ending as well! :) I'm a sucker for a happy ending!

  2. This is awesome Raelene! I love it! Chuckled through the story and got a real tickle out of the twist at the end. Perfect!

  3. Great writing, I wonder if they can make a go of their marriage?

  4. Dear Raelene,
    What a cleverly constructed plot! Not at all what I expected. But it fits the challenge perfectly. Even though I doubt whether this will be a happy marriage.

    Great story. Well done!

    Nice to meet you!

    Best wishes,
    RFW - I should have kissed you

  5. Hi Raelene
    This had quite a twist in it. How jealous we can be of our friends and sad at unspoken words. I enjoyed the fact that this was a couple and their mutual friend. The wedding day was an interesting choice. Well done.

  6. Hi Raelene,

    Can't help feeling this scenario is probably more common than we dare to think it is. It aptly read like the high drama that it is - heightened tension. The twist added some tasty icing:)

  7. WOW, nothing like waiting til the last minute to confess! This was an interesting twist.

  8. Raelene, I loved this so much! Great story, great plot, and very twisty at the end. The setting, the unexpected conversation, the relationships hinted nailed the prompt! If you wanted to build a longer story out of this to submit to a competition/magazine , I think you could add more detail to the guys' growing up rivalry. I was interested in what went on to bring the three to this point. So many possibilities for a longer story.
    Thanks for sharing with us for the prompt.


  9. Interesting concept, nice twist, but poor Lisa. So much is said in a kiss. She was so sure until that kiss. If I were her I would run and run and run! I agree with Denise, so many ways to take this!

    Great job, let me know if you go any further with it.

  10. A nice is a bitch. Its like saying don't make permanent decisions of temporary feelings.

  11. Absolutely clever and engaging. You had me hooked and I loved the twist.

  12. Hi,

    Oh lordy, a hint at illicit desires, tempting providence, moment of triumphant coup, and then the metaphorical slap in the face! Well done - intriguing read! ;)


  13. Unique concept though not so unique in real life. You captured reality perfectly. Great piece.

  14. this is well done, i was hungry for more! Though at the end i was confused - is Dave the minister/celebrant as well as the best friend? And what about Lisa? Does she go ahead with the wedding or is she still torn from the kiss? Yes i would expect Lisa to run!

  15. Great use of dialogue to tell the story. Interesting twists too.

    Thanks for posting with RFW Raelene.


  16. Hi Raelene. This is great, but if you want to be in the running for the Featured Writer, you have to be a member. You just join up with the thumbprint linky in the right hand sidebar. Cheers!

  17. Hi, Raelene,

    Well done! I loved the twist at the end.