Followers

Wednesday 19 September 2012

Romantic Friday Writers Challenge 'Oh, how I hated my beautiful friend.'



With no door to slam, I pushed a chair into the desk with the full force of my anger.  It crashed to attention, bounced back and slammed into my thigh.  Now I was injured and embarrassed and my jealousy was compounded by humiliation.  Lola stood grinning like an insane Cheshire cat.  As much as I wanted her to melt away as that iconic cat, I knew that like that cat, she would only reappear to surprise me.  Oh, how I hated my beautiful friend with her sleek hair bobbed under her ears framing her delicate features and her large dark eyes watching my reaction to her promotion.  It was always Lola.  Eighth grade spelling test: Lola; gymnastics prize: Lola; hit song by the Kinks in 1970:  L.O.L.A. Lola.
‘Be happy for me Maxine’, she simpered.
My salutation was false and tasted bitter.  ‘Congratulations, Lola.’
Satisfied we were companionable, Lola turned on her high heels and left through the sliding glass doors.  They parted reverently for her and judged me as they closed on my pettiness.  The bruise on my leg matched the one on my pride and there was a hole in my stocking.  I thumped the desk.  With each smack I was crushing Lola’s being, squishing that pretty face, grinding her to nothing.  I thumped until it was me I was squishing, me I was pounding to nothing.  That’s how Blake found me that evening, crumpled to nothing in the corner of our kitchen floor, jealousy and rage and a shredded school year book lying all about me.
‘Lola got it didn’t she.’
‘Like she always gets everything.’
‘Not me,’ he cooed, ‘Not tonight.’
As I melted into his chest, I knew he was right.
Tonight and forever I had the one thing Lola would never have.
Oh, I pitied my beautiful friend.

Word count:  304

25 comments:

  1. Raelene, awesome as always. Love the temper tantrum, it felt very... familiar, hmm, memory flashes of tossing something only to have it bounce back and hit me on the head.
    Love the end, Blake sound rather hot.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi,
    I could so 'see' the temper and jealousy...glad that she got her priorities sorted. Awesome ending line.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "They parted reverently for her and judged me as they closed on my pettiness."
    Great sentence, and glad to see the turn around -- she is the winner. Loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great ending - knowing she has achieved the best thing.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Raelene
    I loved the reference to the 70's hit, L.O.L.A. made me laugh. Your story is strong and full of emotion right through to the loving husband at the end. It is so true, we are never satisfied with what God gave us and often desire what someone else has. Well done.
    Nancy

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear Raelene,
    What a wonderful story of life-long jealous competition between two women. And it ended well with Maxine getting her priorities straight. She had the one thing that Lola could never get! Lovely text!
    Love the choice of name, 'Lola'.
    Best wishes,
    Anna
    RFW No. 45 - 'Oh how I hate my beautiful friend'

    ReplyDelete
  7. Whoa. What we need here is a little anger management. Maxine may have gotten her priorities straight at the end, but if she keeps acting like this, Lola might get Blake too. Interesting story. In a longer version you could go a lot deeper with this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, I briefly wondered if Blake was already Lola's also but didn't quite work. I think Maxine needs a new job. She needs to get away from this beautiful friend.

      Delete
  8. Great character development with such little words. Well done. :))

    ReplyDelete
  9. Excellent HEA at the end Raelene. That certainly secures the romance point, and super duper on this particular line: They parted reverently for her and judged me as they closed on my pettiness.

    The emotion in this is piece is vivid, almost tactile. I tasted her ire even without reference, and I could feel her skin crawl with envy. You really brought the senses to the forefront; and you did it without having to write them at all. Very well done.

    I felt I knew this character intimately by the end of the story. I'll be bookmarking this and whenever I need to add this amount of evocative imagery in a character/scene I'll have an excellent reference to relate to.

    Thank you for participating with RFW this week.

    ........dhole

    ReplyDelete
  10. Raelene,this is so tactile, all that bashing going on. It got the theme across so well. I love: 'The bruise on my leg matched the one on my pride...' So good. I love the unexpected twist at the end. Poor Lola!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dramatic and apt. Fitted the prompt perfectly.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi, Raelene,

    Man did I feel the anger. You have some fantastic imagery here. I especially like the end with her shredding the yearbook.

    Well done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks michael
      i think she will regret doing that.

      Delete
  13. Ooh, I want to know more about Blake ;) I like the twist at the end and how you brought L.O.L.A. into the story. Cute!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think Blake would be very interesting to develop. Let's see....

      Delete
  14. Oh I loved how she realized in the end that she had so much more than her friend Lola! She went to saying she hated her only to realize that she just pitied her! Maybe that's why she keeps going back for more.. Would love to have saw more of the romance at the end but it was perfect!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Crystal.
      Still developing romance writing skills. This couple might come back for more on romantic fridays.

      Delete
  15. Hi Raelene,

    Nice twist ending. Lola was tops at everything, with exception of the best prize ever! ;)

    best
    F

    ReplyDelete
  16. What I didn't get out of Lola was whether or not she knew about Maxine's resentment -- of which there was TONS. Man, she must have big issues to even relate the Kinks song to her. To me, she has deeper insecurities and pointing the finger at Lola keeps her from pointing back at herself. If it hadn't ended happily, I would have thought Maxine was about to have a psychotic break. That said, I understand how she feels.
    I did not participate this time, but wanted to read and support those who did.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And thanks for your support. Good thought about Lola knowing or not. Something to explore in the future.

      Delete
  17. Ouch, jealousy can only hurt you..! You have shown this very well.
    Glad she has a boy friend to pick her up and take home :D

    ReplyDelete