With no door to slam, I pushed a chair
into the desk with the full force of my anger.
It crashed to attention, bounced back and slammed into my thigh. Now I was injured and embarrassed and my
jealousy was compounded by humiliation.
Lola stood grinning like an insane Cheshire cat. As much as I wanted her to melt away as that
iconic cat, I knew that like that cat, she would only reappear to surprise me. Oh, how I hated my beautiful friend with her
sleek hair bobbed under her ears framing her delicate features and her large
dark eyes watching my reaction to her promotion. It was always Lola. Eighth grade spelling test: Lola; gymnastics
prize: Lola; hit song by the Kinks in 1970:
L.O.L.A. Lola.
‘Be happy for me Maxine’, she simpered.
My salutation was false and tasted bitter. ‘Congratulations, Lola.’
Satisfied we were companionable, Lola
turned on her high heels and left through the sliding glass doors. They parted reverently for her and judged me
as they closed on my pettiness. The bruise
on my leg matched the one on my pride and there was a hole in my stocking. I thumped the desk. With each smack I was crushing Lola’s being,
squishing that pretty face, grinding her to nothing. I thumped until it was me I was squishing, me
I was pounding to nothing. That’s how
Blake found me that evening, crumpled to nothing in the corner of our kitchen
floor, jealousy and rage and a shredded school year book lying all about me.
‘Lola got it didn’t she.’
‘Like she always gets everything.’
‘Not me,’ he cooed, ‘Not tonight.’
As I melted into his chest, I knew he was
right.
Tonight and forever I had the one thing Lola
would never have.
Oh, I pitied my beautiful friend.
Word count: 304
Raelene, awesome as always. Love the temper tantrum, it felt very... familiar, hmm, memory flashes of tossing something only to have it bounce back and hit me on the head.
ReplyDeleteLove the end, Blake sound rather hot.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI could so 'see' the temper and jealousy...glad that she got her priorities sorted. Awesome ending line.
"They parted reverently for her and judged me as they closed on my pettiness."
ReplyDeleteGreat sentence, and glad to see the turn around -- she is the winner. Loved it!
Great ending - knowing she has achieved the best thing.
ReplyDeleteHi Raelene
ReplyDeleteI loved the reference to the 70's hit, L.O.L.A. made me laugh. Your story is strong and full of emotion right through to the loving husband at the end. It is so true, we are never satisfied with what God gave us and often desire what someone else has. Well done.
Nancy
Dear Raelene,
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful story of life-long jealous competition between two women. And it ended well with Maxine getting her priorities straight. She had the one thing that Lola could never get! Lovely text!
Love the choice of name, 'Lola'.
Best wishes,
Anna
RFW No. 45 - 'Oh how I hate my beautiful friend'
Whoa. What we need here is a little anger management. Maxine may have gotten her priorities straight at the end, but if she keeps acting like this, Lola might get Blake too. Interesting story. In a longer version you could go a lot deeper with this.
ReplyDeleteThanks, I briefly wondered if Blake was already Lola's also but didn't quite work. I think Maxine needs a new job. She needs to get away from this beautiful friend.
DeleteGreat character development with such little words. Well done. :))
ReplyDeleteThanks Candilynn
DeleteExcellent HEA at the end Raelene. That certainly secures the romance point, and super duper on this particular line: They parted reverently for her and judged me as they closed on my pettiness.
ReplyDeleteThe emotion in this is piece is vivid, almost tactile. I tasted her ire even without reference, and I could feel her skin crawl with envy. You really brought the senses to the forefront; and you did it without having to write them at all. Very well done.
I felt I knew this character intimately by the end of the story. I'll be bookmarking this and whenever I need to add this amount of evocative imagery in a character/scene I'll have an excellent reference to relate to.
Thank you for participating with RFW this week.
........dhole
Raelene,this is so tactile, all that bashing going on. It got the theme across so well. I love: 'The bruise on my leg matched the one on my pride...' So good. I love the unexpected twist at the end. Poor Lola!
ReplyDeleteDramatic and apt. Fitted the prompt perfectly.
ReplyDeleteHi, Raelene,
ReplyDeleteMan did I feel the anger. You have some fantastic imagery here. I especially like the end with her shredding the yearbook.
Well done.
thanks michael
Deletei think she will regret doing that.
Ooh, I want to know more about Blake ;) I like the twist at the end and how you brought L.O.L.A. into the story. Cute!
ReplyDeleteI think Blake would be very interesting to develop. Let's see....
DeleteOh I loved how she realized in the end that she had so much more than her friend Lola! She went to saying she hated her only to realize that she just pitied her! Maybe that's why she keeps going back for more.. Would love to have saw more of the romance at the end but it was perfect!
ReplyDeleteThanks Crystal.
DeleteStill developing romance writing skills. This couple might come back for more on romantic fridays.
Hi Raelene,
ReplyDeleteNice twist ending. Lola was tops at everything, with exception of the best prize ever! ;)
best
F
thanks Francine,
DeleteWhat I didn't get out of Lola was whether or not she knew about Maxine's resentment -- of which there was TONS. Man, she must have big issues to even relate the Kinks song to her. To me, she has deeper insecurities and pointing the finger at Lola keeps her from pointing back at herself. If it hadn't ended happily, I would have thought Maxine was about to have a psychotic break. That said, I understand how she feels.
ReplyDeleteI did not participate this time, but wanted to read and support those who did.
And thanks for your support. Good thought about Lola knowing or not. Something to explore in the future.
DeleteOuch, jealousy can only hurt you..! You have shown this very well.
ReplyDeleteGlad she has a boy friend to pick her up and take home :D
Thanks Ghazala.
ReplyDelete